Men and Women Can’t be Friends?
First, a relevant youtube video which seems to indicate that men and women cannot be just friends.
But is the conclusion true? More importantly, what are the implications if it were true?
Firstly, it seems to me as if this may be a cultural issue, not a universal issue. That is, it may not be true of all humans in all cultures but it seems to be the case for the majority in the United States. I’ve had conversations with women from foreign countries where they expressed exasperation with the idea that men and women cannot be just friends. I don’t think this is a uniquely American issue, but at the very least it does not seem to be the case in other countries which could indicate that it is at least partially due to cultural influences.
Now for the most important aspect of all this, the implications. If we agree that men and women cannot ever be just friends then we must admit that the friendship between men and women is aimed at acquiring a mate. Basically, that the friendship between men and women is part of a dating strategy. This implies that the only possible ways for males and females to interact are those that are intended to lead up to sex. So it seems like this mindset suggests that practically any interaction I have with a female MUST be because I want to get into her pants. Put another way, there is only value in interacting with the opposite sex if, and only if, said interaction will lead to sex. Are you starting to see why this is a problematic way of thinking?
Seriously, if I hold the door open for a woman, it must be because I want in her pants. If I wash the dishes after a dinner with my girlfriend, it must be because I want in her pants. If I tell a girl I love her, what I really mean is “I want to have sex with you and these three words seem to make that happen.” Now, while some might actually think this way, I certainly do not and most of the people I know, men and women both, do not think like this. It’s not just that either, this mode of thought would be repulsive to most of the people I know, and one must keep in mind that I know a lot of free-lovin’ hippie types.
But it gets even more complicated when you consider other sexual orientations such as homosexuals and bisexuals. A gay man and a gay woman could obviously be friends because they’re invalid sexual partners. What about a gay man and a straight man? Can they be friends? Is there value in the interaction between valid sexual partners if and only if they lead to sex? What would this be like if a bisexual felt this way?
Are the relationships straight men have with one another simply for the sake of scoring? That is, are hetero male friends only useful in their capacity as wing men?
Seriously, this mindset is so messed up that it’s not funny. It suggests that the value of a human being lies between their legs. Some may feel this way but I think we need to rethink the way we look at human interaction. Human beings are more than genitalia